Brand new person, same old mistakes

I feel like a brand new person, Tame Impala sing, but I make the same old mistakes. And that’s exactly what happened to me again. I was finally feeling ok, confident and mentally if not healthy at least balanced. And I met a guy, a good looking guy even, that spent 8 hours of his friday night talking to me and me only. Of course stupid me goes with the flow and we end up spending the night together.

Then morning comes and after some more fooling around the dude leaves. Without asking for my number.

I should have known then and there that this was gonna be exactly like all the other times, I was a good distraction for a friday night but nothing more really. But no,  I go and ask for his number to a common friend and ask this shy, nice, cute guy to meet again. Which he agrees on, but then he becomes flaky and we end up never seeing each other again.

I unfortunately perceive all episodes of this kind as rejection and, being quite unlucky in the love department lately, these rejections affect me more than they should. Even when the guy himself is not that interesting or clearly not a good match for me I feel terrible.

When did I become so desperate for attention? Why do I need to feed my soul with external approvals to feel ok? I am surrounded by friends that love me very much and it’s somehow not enough.

Well, until next time I’ll try to heal my wounded ego and go back to feeling ok.

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A bit too confident

Last weekend I told I guy that I like him. I’m 28 years old and this was the first time I did something like this, I gathered my courage, put on an smile and simply told the words. I felt awesome.. for 2 seconds. His response was terrible, he looked very uncomfortable and he awkwardly said thank you. Then he jumped on the spot and started talking about the weather. Yeah, he literally jumped and changed topic.

So I guess I was wrong and he does not like me back. I felt quite confident that he does but clearly mine was wishful thinking.

Obviously I am thinking about what to do or not to do next, I could text him and ask him to go out for a drink but I think it looks pathetic and desperate. Or I could wait for a move from his side. The most likely move he would make is NONE.

So I think I need to just let this one go and deal with the disappointment.

Being bold it’s not always a good idea unfortunately.